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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771997">The BAU gets Chopped</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piratesofpenzance4/pseuds/Piratesofpenzance4'>Piratesofpenzance4</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Contest, Cooking, Dad Hotch, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Team as Family, The BAU Team as Family (Criminal Minds), every hotch is dad hotch, hotch is a tired dad, no beta we die like haley, not too hurt though, prentiss and reid are disaster gays, set in season 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:29:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771997</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piratesofpenzance4/pseuds/Piratesofpenzance4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgan is tired of the average team nights. He wants something entertaining. A Chopped contest, you say? Remind him that two of his siblings are trouble magnets, and then enjoy the show!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron Hotchner &amp; Spencer Reid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The BAU gets Chopped</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In which Reid and Prentiss are disaster gays.</p><p>Note: Reid does break his foot in this chapter. There is some description. It’s after the second break, skip to third if you will be grossed out</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The idea was Morgan’s.</p><p>	Once a month, the team tried to get together for a team building day. Certain members got together more. Girls night was a frequent occasion, and Spencer often joined. Hotch and Rossi had dinner once a week. However, team bonding day was a given, and the full team always attended.</p><p> Usually, said day involved dinners at Rossi’s or bar nights. Once, it involved a bowling trip that sent Reid to the hospital. (But don’t bring it up, he will kill you.) But recently, Morgan had been feeling a little bit stifled by the average team nights. They were often the same: Rossi cooked, Garcia baked, Reid and Hotch got into passionate debates, Emily annoyed them, and JJ and Morgan watched the game. Morgan was bored with the current set up, and so, while watching TV with Clooney one night, he came up with the idea</p><p>So Morgan packed up his bag, went to the office and convinced Anderson to join in on the fun. And then he walked into Rossi’s office, where Prentiss and Hotch were sitting, and told them his plan for this month's team building.</p><p>“You want to hold a cooking contest?” Rossi exclaimed. “Kid, Reid or Prentiss will kill someone if we hold a cooking contest. Besides, you know I’ll win” </p><p>“Morgan, last team building night was a movie, and Prentiss managed to accidentally hit Reid in the face while flinging her arms around” </p><p>“I apologized!”</p><p>“Yes, but still, you two are walking disasters” </p><p>“We can take safety precautions. Reid and Prentiss won’t be able to kill anyone. Besides, it’ll be a good time that we’ll all remember at the end. Come on, man! I already got Anderson to agree to it”</p><p>“I suppose it could be fun. Alright, as long as we aren’t called out, we can look into having a cooking contest for our next team building day”</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
That Saturday, the team found their way into the kitchen Rossi had rented. Seven stations had been set up, each labeled with a team member’s name. The order had been painstakingly selected to minimize the amounts of chaos that could come from Reid and Prentiss in the kitchen. This way, the other five team members could run over and quickly put out any fires that the two disasters might start.<br/>
Hotch was in the middle, stationed directly in between Emily and Spencer. On Spencer’s left hand side was Morgan, and JJ stood at the end of the line, glancing suspiciously at the basket, as if it would bite her. Garcia stood on Emily’s right, next to Rossi, who looked as if the whole thing would be beneath him. At the judges table sat three judges, two of whom Hotch never expected to see again. Anderson was the first judge. Alex Blake sat in the second seat, which Reid looked surprisingly happy about. How did he know her? Hotch would have to figure it out later. And the third was…. Blackwolf? </p><p>	“John, what are you doing here?” Aaron asked, slightly befuddled by Blackwolf’s sudden appearance.</p><p>	“Well, Captain America, your friend Morgan here invited me, and you know me, I can never pass up a chance to make fun of your government.”</p><p>	Hotch shook his head at the man’s comments before turning his head towards the basket as Anderson began to speak.</p><p>	“Welcome, BAU Team. You know the rules. There will be six rounds, each with four mystery ingredients. If your dish doesn’t cut it, you will be Chopped. Alright, please open your round 1 baskets.”</p><p>	The seven agents reached forward and opened their baskets, barely aware of Anderson as the ideas began turning “... And you must use frozen hash brown patties, canadian bacon, grapefruit juice, and crispy onion flavored snacks. Alright team, you have twenty minutes on the clock, and your time starts… NOW.” </p><p>	The team raced into motion as soon as they got the now, moving to grab items from the pantry and put things on the stove. The three judges watched with excitement as the team raced around the kitchen. What could possibly go wrong? </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>	Reid reached for a cast iron skillet, filled with his Canadian bacon, frozen hash brown, and onion snacks, and turned to put it on the stove when Anderson came up to speak to him. Startled, he dropped the skillet, and it landed on his foot, hitting the concrete with a loud crashing sound. </p><p>	Everything around him seemed to stop as everyone turned off their stove and moved to help Reid. Morgan picked up the skillet off the ground and set it on the counter as Hotch moved to sit Reid on the floor next to him, removing his sneaker and blue and yellow striped sock. By the time Hotch had Reid down and the shoe off, Reid’s foot was already swollen and dark. When Hotch looked closely at it, he saw one of the bones moving around, and he grimaced. </p><p>	“Garcia, bring me some ice. Rossi, can you bring the car? Reid needs to have this checked out.” </p><p>	Despite all Reid’s protests, Hotch got him into the car and settled with ice on the foot, and the two of them took off, leaving the remaining five members in the kitchen, realizing that even with the most extreme safety precautions, the youngest member of their team would always find a way to get into trouble</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>A few short hours later, as the sun was departing below the horizon, the team received two texts at the same time. </p><p>Aaron Hotchner: Reid broke his foot in two places, getting cast now. Out of field for six weeks.<br/>
Spencer Reid: This was fun, except for the whole breaking my foot. Same time next week? </p><p>As the team went to type a response back, one of the stoves, long since forgotten, erupted into flames. Morgan ran to grab the extinguisher before the flames could spread, while the rest of the remaining members sat and watched the flames dance in the dark room</p><p>Rossi breathed in deeply before turning to the culprit, breaking the silence “God damn it, Emily.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>note: this is my first time writing in at least five years. It will hopefully get better. Constructive criticism is appreciated! </p><p>Updates will be slow, but my goal is to update at least twice a month. </p><p>Follow on tumblr: piratesofpenzance4</p></blockquote></div></div>
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